9.01.2009

On Writing and My Ego

I am so critical of my writing that for years, I've just put off doing it. Every word I put down is subject to such harsh criticism in my own mind that I never take it to the next step. I've put off starting a blog for this very reason, thrown my fiction into a journal never to see the light of day. I have so much to say that it actually pains me to read other authors, as minor and contained as they may be. Why do they have courage that I don't?

Life is about forcing yourself to do things. Successful people force themselves to do things every day...like work. It's not fun. You know how married couples force themselves to have sex? Admit it, you know what I mean if you are married. Like, once you get started it's so great, you remember why you loved it, and why don't we do this all the time? But getting started and cleaning up after is just such a pain in the ass that sometimes you just shrug and say, eh, another time, I'm tired and Chelsea Handler is on. That's sort of my deal with writing. I have to force myself to show my writing, sometimes to write, period. Not because I don't like writing -- in fact, I love it. I'm just so self critical, I'm so bruised and battered by even helpful criticism, I just can't stand doing it anymore. But nothing can change that underneath that I'm still a writer. I write all day long in my head. Damned if I don't sit down to do it on paper though, and I cringe. But I'm taking a different approach now. Here's what I've got to say, and if you don't like it, sorry to hear that.

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